I
was once in on a conversation where a medical doctor was asking her
friends what they would do in a situation she had just encountered.
She had made a house call to a paraplegic who was suffering from a
skin abscess that was going to require surgery and a 6-9 month
hospital stay in a room of four. This would be the second time
around. She didn’t want to go through with it because there are
certain things that paraplegics need help with that are just
humiliating to have done in front of other people. So she was
putting it off, a decision that would lead to her eventual death.
She then went on to share a bleak picture of her life with this
physician. She was upset with her husband, who did nothing besides
hang about elsewhere in the house, her son also. She had lived this
way 20 years and could see no reason to endure another 20. Then, in
all seriousness, she asked this doctor to write her a prescription
for something to end it all. Well, the doctor was asking her friends
“what should I do?” Even the doctor thought that the
continuation of this person’s life was torturous.
The
responses were mixed mostly involving what we could call
“psychologizing” the patient. Our culture has bred a wealth of
armchair Dr. Phil’s who play God by distantly trying to sympathize
with a person and then solve their problems. I know about how
accurate I am in that department so I like to refrain from it.
There were also faith-based questions. “Does she have any
faith…believe in God…have a church?” I sat there just
listening with not much to say. As far as what I would have done.
My training in seminary would have led me to simply reflect back to
the patient, “So you want to end your life and you want me to write
the prescription?” and see where the conversation goes.
As
I listened I thought two things. First, I began to wonder as to
whether I’m required in Canada to tell some official if a person
truly is suicidal? The second thing I was thinking was I’ve been
there. I’ve been pushed to the point of wrestling with whether or
not my presence in this life is worth it. We all have our limits as
to how much we can cope with before becoming overwhelmed. That’s
part of being human particularly in the wake some event like a death
or a debilitating accident or a divorce or an act of violence coming
to rob us of life as we know it. When that happens we all will have
to decide whether we want to live this new life that has been thrust
upon us or not. Many people avoid that decision. Being a minister I
have encountered widows, widowers, indeed whole families still stuck
in limbo years after the death of a person simply because they were
struggling to find the reason to continue on and adapt to this new
life that was not theirs by choice. I’ve heard people speak of
deceased person as if they just died ten years after the fact.
They’ve gotten stuck somehow and haven’t made the decision to
start living again. They’d rather be dead too, but know that is
not an option.
This
woman, though a paraplegic, was still a human being still trying to
decide whether life is worth living even 20 years after having her
life radically changed by an accident. I can’t blame or fault her
for wanting to end it. Like I said, I’ve been there, even as a man
of faith, I’ve been there. The course of life can to often lead us
to a point where we find ourselves asking, “Is my presence in this
life really worth what I’m going to have to endure for the rest of
it.” It is common for us to imprison ourselves in something or
other to avoid dealing with the question; work, materialism,
substances, over-indulging, just staying too busy, or just finding
somebody to hate – whatever we can find to avoid answering the
question do I really want to live this life that I have been given.
Indeed, life is a gift. Didn’t a one of us ask to be born. We are
here by accident or by decision of parental units. It doesn’t
matter which. We have been given life and we are accountable for how
we live it not just to God but also to ourselves and to one another.
How we live or choose not to live has consequences not just for
ourselves but more so for the “others” in our lives.
Turning
towards a more theological understanding of this problem, one of the
traditional ways of talking about the Holy Spirit is the confession
that he is the Lord and Giver of life. At creation it was the Holy
Spirit by whom God the Father spoke the Word and breathed life into
all of creation. Life is not God in us. Life is a gift from God for
which we are accountable. The new life given to us in Jesus Christ
is akin to living in the breath of God as the Holy Spirit surrounds
and indwells us creating His communion of love in our midst, uniting
us to Christ Jesus as his body, that we might live in the image of
him in this world. He is the Head of a new humanity meaning we are
in a network of relationships which we call “our lives” and the
Holy spirit is their in the midst of it pointing us to Jesus the Son
and to the true life that God has given us in Him. So, whenever we
find ourselves wrestling with the “do I really want to live”
question and if so “how”, I believe we are wrestling with the
Holy Spirit, the Lord and Giver of life. And his answer to us, is to
point us to Jesus and says “I am with you always. In the depths of
your agony I am with you. Like the breath flowing through your body
I am with you. You would not be alive right now were I not here
giving life to you. You are the way that you are because this is the
life I have given you to live that you may be a witness to the depths
of my love. From this point on you shall live knowing that I am with
you and this is all you need.”
John
the Baptist, the one sent to announce the coming of the Lord, was
imprisoned for calling to account those who were abusing the gift of
life and causing others to suffer. While in prison he was battling
with issues of the value of his life and God’s ability to keep his
promises. He sent his disciples to Jesus to get some assurance that
he had not lived his life in vain because Jesus was not living up to
expectations. John like most Jews of faith in his day was expecting
someone who would deliver them from the oppression of the Romans, of
their own kings, and of their own religious authorities. The answer
Jesus gives to John in a roundabout way is “John, don’t lose hope
because I am not what you expect, for indeed I am the fulfillment of
Scripture. I am the one who removes the curse of sin and death and
God-forsakenness. I give life, life with God in the midst of it to
those who have believed themselves cut-off from God.”
These
miracles that Jesus performed…healing the blind, lame, leprous, the
deaf, and raising the dead, and preaching good news to the poor…were
more than just curing what ails the physical condition. In those
days people believed that these diseases were evidence of being cut
off and cursed by God. They believed that those who suffered from
them had sinned so horribly bad that not only were they no longer
allowed into the temple to be in God’s presence but God was
punishing them with physical suffering. Even more so, healthy clean
people were not allowed to touch them or they could not go in the
Temple. By healing them Jesus removed the false curse from their
lives and made it so they could worship God and be fully accepted
into human community. He removed their shame and left them pondering
how will I now live now that the curse has been taken away. Shame
plays a major factor, deserved or not, when it comes to getting on
with life. It is dibilitating. Shame cuts us off from others, yet oddly not from God.
What
Jesus gives through the powerful presence of the Holy Spirit is freedom from the
binding power of shame. He comes with his Word – “I am with you
always” – and he speaks it to us until we finally hear it and then he becomes redundant. It is a Word that cuts through our shame and gives real hope to us and invites us to really live...in him sharing his relationship with God the Father through the life-giving presence of the Holy Spirit. This real
hope leads us to want not just to cope with life but to be
proactive in it, to take the sufferings of others upon ourselves, to
tell the world that nothing can separate us from the love of God in
Christ Jesus, to rejoice in the Holy Spirit and point to Jesus Christ
and say to all he is our hope.
Jesus
said to John the Baptist by way of John’s followers, “Blessed
(Happy) are those who do not take offense at me.” A lot of people
get tripped up in hearing the Word of “I am with you” because
it’s not what we expect nor what we want. We want action. So, as
if we were God we dismiss it and only find further bitterness. Yet,
we cannot separate God's acts from his being. Giving us himself is
the powerful thing the Trinity does for us. His presence in us and
in the midst of our relationships changes everything. True life,
blessedness, happiness is only found in living as a witness to the
love of God in Christ in the sure knowledge that he is with us. God
with us is what Christmas is all about. Praise be to God he keeps
trying no matter how often we say no or don’t get it or can’t see
past our own expectations. God wants us to live…in Him...and he
will make it so. Amen.
